Pain and suffering in a relationship are common when one partner sees things differently than the other. These mind activities trigger negative emotions most of the time, and the body responds to these emotions by either fighting, running away, or freezing.
If you are honest with yourself, you, like most people, are looking at those thoughts from either the past or future lens. If you are truly aware, you may say to yourself, looking back, this always happens, or I am afraid this is happening again and will continue to happen, you give this pain or suffering a meaning and identity and live in it. Both of these lenses provide an inaccurate account or single-sided perspective that appears real to the presenter’s mind eyes. All the mind is doing is finding meaning or ways to calm down and justify the actions and reactions of the emotions, to relieve the pain and suffering caused by the event’s interpretation.
People go to the length and do extreme things to reduce those fear, those underlying fears that say to them I am not enough, I am not loved, fear of failure, loneliness. Instead of staying present, observing it, and allowing the feeling to come through, a victim mindset person will disassociate and blame others.
Practicing letting go means not being clingy to these thoughts, accepting the present moment no matter how painful it is and how it makes you feel. In the heat of the moment, stay present, see the angry, upset for what it is, and see-through their pain reaction. You will choose to reject the negativity and not personalize it.